Her Thirties

The priorities for women in their thirties are similar to the priorities of men in their thirties. It’s a time to plan for the life ahead. This is a time of career advancement and personal focus. The process of gaining stability economically is of major concern. As women continue to evolve in socio-economic terms, the thirties are a time to dig in one’s heels and create a stable future. But, there are two different types of women who date in their thirties. And, they have vastly different value systems. These two distinct groups are separated by their ideology regarding career:

1.Those who are interested in their career as a life expression.

2.Those who simply work for a living.


The first group represents women who love their work. Whether they love the adventure involved in attaining their goals, or the benefits of work well accomplished, their focus is on climbing the corporate, or artistic ladder. While in their thirties, they also enjoy an active social life. They tend to date several men, while not specifically focused on “finding a relationship.” Or they may have a steady partner, but the big push for marriage/family is on the back burner.

Whether partnered or solo, when a woman is of this group, she is still dominantly work oriented. In the early thirties, there seems ample time to have both a career and a family. The emphasis is on creating a financial foundation. A woman at this juncture can be open to love, but it’s not her primary goal.

The second group are the women who find themselves “working for a living.” They may or may not enjoy their jobs. Their job is seen as a means to an end. They far more apt to see relationships the important life goal.  If this is the type of woman you are dating, marriage and family may indeed be her primary concern.

It’s wise, as a younger man, to know which of these two types you are dating. Ask questions about her job, and her long-term goals. She may be ready for a solid partnership, and you are not. Or, she may not yet be ready, and you are. It’s worth taking time to speak honestly. Dating a woman whose primary goal is her job, only to find he’s not solidly in the picture, has hurt many a younger man. And many an older woman has been needlessly disappointed by a man who feigns serious interest, and isn’t ready.

Her Thirties, and Timing

We often here about timing when it comes to men. Women have timing too. And it isn’t just the ticking of the biological clock. It’s the ticking of a corporate advance, or an artistic opportunity, where age is a definitive factor. For actresses, models and dancers, the urge to move rapidly ahead is paramount in the early thirties. The thirties are the full steam ahead for men. The same is true for women. It’s the imperative to advance in one’s life goals— whether career, or family.

The early thirties still give the illusion of time. Women may feel more relaxed and carefree. The later thirties are the cut off point. Definitive, and absolute, it’s the point in time where women begin to reassess their goals, and wonder if all can be accomplished. There’s only so much time to “have it all.” And questions arise. Can I have it all? Is it possible?

For women, as with men, timing is important. But the factors that affect timing have been altered by the society in which we live. Women are working, and wanting mates. The thirties are a period in which the urgency to meet the mate of their choosing feels heightened. Yes, the biological clock is ticking along with the clock of economic advancement. And, add to that the knowledge that they possess power, skill and ability to create their own lives. It’s a new mixture. The thirties for modern women create new concerns not considered in their mothers’ time period.

We are at an historic time in history. Never before have so many women have been at dual crossroads. Many women still single and wondering if their mate is out there, are preoccupied in their later thirties with the burning questions… “Will I have time to find the right guy? And, if and when I find the right guy, will I have time to have children?”

This century has seen a sharp incline in single women reaching their thirties, having entered the work force, and not yet coupled. Yes, they wanted to have it all. Self-sufficient and economically stable, they would prefer a partner for life. But, with no visible partner of choice in sight, the choice becomes one of making new plans, and allowing for their goals to be pushed into their forties. Not of a mind to couple for the wrong reasons, they are single, by choice.

It’s a new template, in which many of my friends are finding themselves. They can indeed support themselves. But they won’t settle. They are not to be pitied, as many of them struggle with family and friends who see them as “too independent.” On the contrary. They know what they want, and are content to be true to themselves. They’ve seen the repercussion of failed marriages, and the fall out of divorces that were once held in high esteem.  Not compromising, yet open and wanting a true partner worth their time and effort.

Timing, has become, the time-crunch. The thirties are a period of heightened concerns for today’s women. If the woman you’re dating is in her thirties, she has her plate full. Understand, she must make life-altering decisions. Your input is vitally important. Do not hold back. Tell her your goals, and specifically, your goals with her.

Her Forties

The Forties are a glorious time for women. Finally beyond of the confusion of the thirties, women in their forties now sit squarely in the seat of our power. The forties are a time of clearing. The energy loss sustained in the thirties gives way to energy gained, as major life decisions have been clarified. The choice between careers vs. family has been made. And, for those who still want it all, the possibility of combining the best of both worlds has become a reality. As career stability has lead to increasing opportunity, in her forties, a woman’s personal/professional power is in its zenith.

The forties are, to my mind, the best of all decades. A woman’s personal power is solid and secure. She’s had the time to see herself win and lose. She’s loved and lost. She’s loved and been loved. She’s left jobs, and left friends that didn’t support her dreams. She’s found new skills and new associations that allow her to flourish. A woman in her forties knows she can handle all of life’s up and downs with grace and ease.

A woman in her forties is the flower in full blossom. She’s at the height of her physical beauty.  She’s comfortable with both her sexual allure, and sexual expression. She’s learned the benefit of being real. As the outer begins to show the minor signs of a life well lived, her inner content has grown. There is the tremendous discovery of what is truly important, and what is not. Life becomes a loosely worn garment, as the inner confidence of life management and emotional management flow with ease.

In dating and relationships, a woman in her forties has seen it all, and yet has eyes that are ready to discover the new. There is a fearlessness borne of internal power, and a curiosity borne of internal confidence. With her younger partners, she can communicate easily. Games are of no interest. She will tell her partners what she wants, and what she needs. She will explore new options, having the inner fortitude to do so. She will avoid relationships that minimize her worth, as she is firmly grounded in personal value.

Dating a woman in her forties is to know a woman at her fullest expression of power. For the younger men who have enough confidence to do so, it is an acknowledgment of their own power, as well.

Her Fifties and Beyond

For a woman, the fifties represent a defining point.  She can be astounding, or simply be older. Her life can be rich with adventure, love and experience. Or, it can be effort to wake up each morning, and look in the mirror. This drastic contrast is the end result of her thoughts, and her life choices. The woman, who has an amazing life at fifty, has worked to do so. She has spent time developing herself as a person. She has expanded her mental and physical horizons. She has maintained an attitude of curiosity and wonder. She sees the glass as half full. And, she has spent the previous decades doing her inner work. If she has been consciously aware, and actively committed to personal growth, the fifties are magnificent.

The fifties can be a time in life where everything comes together. A woman at this juncture can be at her fullest form of expression, both personally and professionally. She has a vast perspective. She’s had time to try on the life-script she was handed at birth. She’s also had time to erase the information that doesn’t work for her, and create her own original script. She has full use of the power she experienced in her forties, but now, knows exactly how to use it.

Power is an interesting commodity. It can be oppressive, or nurturing. It can be controlling, or generous. A woman who has been committed to the creation of authentic power is the embodiment of all that is good and valuable. This form of power is healing and transformative. All those around her, and all she meets feel it. For a woman in her fifties, it is, the “IT” quality. Because, by this time, you either have “IT,” or you don’t.

There are women who age, and women who are ageless. Being ageless comes from an inner attitude. It is the anticipation of more to learn, and more to give. It is the knowledge that life has both good and bad, but overall… it’s an amazing journey. Being ageless means there is an internal vitality that breaths life into the day-to-day activities, as well as future goals. Beauty, at fifty, is the ability to access the power within the heart and mind, while allowing the spirit to shine forth. Beauty becomes a way of being, rather than a way of looking. Whatever life experiences have been lived, are now visibly displayed for all to see. There are scowl lines or laugh lines. There is a vacancy in the eyes, or there is a keen glow.

Dating a woman in her fifties can be a truly liberating experience for both parties. She has an ease of deportment and ease of deposition. But she knows her mind, and won’t compromise her values. You’ll know exactly where you stand. She’s seen enough of life to help you make major decisions. She’s also smart enough to let you live your own life. She has learned by this time that we are each responsible for ourselves. She may guide and assist, but she won’t do it for you. She has had the time to know the mind of a man, and will allow you to have your own thoughts. After all, she wants her own mind as well. She’s done raising children. She doesn’t want, or expect you to be one. She wants a man by her side, but not a man in her shadow.