Psychological ‘walls’ harm us over time — instead of protect us
Appraising a ubiquitous feature among modern folk.
- In uncertain social situations, we tend to defend ourselves by putting a psychological “wall” up.
- For those who are very cautious, people who engage with them may feel an outright “dismissal.”
- Cultivating trust is more important than ever in overcoming many peoples’ walls to build relationships with them.
What is the wall? No, not the colossal fortification that separates the Seven Kingdoms from the wildlings — or the grand partition that President Trump foresees along the Southern Border — I mean, the wall. The seemingly impenetrable one that we summon up, within the twinkling of an eye, when interacting with others.
Indeed, unlike its counterpart in the series Game of Thrones, this internal stronghold could — no doubt — withstand the blue flames of dragon’s breath. Despite bellicose attempts to knock it down, it stalwartly looms over the hazy silhouettes of many suspicious figures. But, again, what is it? Where does it come from? Why do we raise it up to heights so high that no assassin could scale it?
To help us better understand this ubiquitous psychological structure, we’ve contacted one of New York’s top relationship coaches, Susan Winter, who specializes in “higher thinking.” As it turns out, there’s good reason why many people might have their guard up in uncertain social situations.
So what is it?
“‘The wall’ you speak of is the self-protective barrier the ego puts in place for our defense,” says Winter. “Our natural defense system will automatically come into play whenever meeting someone new. We’re assessing their potential merit, or harm: ‘Is this someone I want to know? If so, how far do I let them into my life?'”
As far as defensive strategies go, there are some perks here. For instance, Winter believes this fortification gives us a chance to mentally assess incoming information that we receive about an unfamiliar person. “The wall allows us time to review our gut feelings about their words, actions, and comportment,” she says. “This is an essential step to take before jumping headlong into a friendship, business alliance, or romance.”