When it comes to the issue of children, there are three types of men:
Those that definitely want children
Those that definitely don’t want children
Those that are neutral—they will go with the woman’s choice
It’s important for a man to know which of these three categories he falls into, and to then be able to state his position. Until recently, men were hesitant to outwardly claim they didn’t want children. Times have changed. Society, in general, is more allowing for individual choice to be articulated. That’s a great benefit. If a man knows he definitely doesn’t want children, it needs to be stated “up front.” It’s part and parcel of the committed relationship conversation. Women who definitely want children need to know this is a viable option. A man need not fear this speech. It will become an on-going conversation in time, anyway. Women won’t change their mind on a subject as important as this. To feign interest in that possibility, then marry or live together, is a waste of both parties time and energy.
For the men who must have a family, it is a concrete goal. It is their template; of how their life is to be, and is one for which they are resolutely committed. This is unalterable. Know the truth about your partner. Don’t try to change their mind. If a family is the reason for his selection of a mate, it is to be considered a fact. Accept this truth, and choose your course accordingly.
For a man who doesn’t want children, again, this is a truth. It is a pointless to try to convert him to another stance. For whatever collection of internal reasons, he knows this isn’t a possibility for him. If you are at this juncture, read the article on “She Wants Children/He Doesn’t.” If the conversation is only regarding financial insecurity within that choice, there may be another possible outcome.
Then, there are the men who are neutral. I have interviewed many men in this category. Their primary concern, is that of the correct mate. This is a category, where men place a premium on the type of woman with whom they join in partnership. She is the essential part of the equation. As to the rest, they will allow her choice as to having children, or not. This decision, is secondary to them. This group of men value the female over all other choices. They believe the woman is the ingredient that makes life complete, family or not.
As a man reading this, please take time to check in with what you really want out of life. If you want children, is it true for you? If so, fine. But it’s necessary to ask oneself if that choice is only for social compliance— to be like others, to fit into society, and mirror their choices. Once asked, and clearly answered, then you know where your truth lies. If you don’t want children, is it due to financial concerns? The fear of not being able to provide for a family? Is there a fear of not being a good father? Are there underlying fears about pressure, and the loss of personal identity? These are important questions to ask oneself. They must be unearthed, and observed.
The truth of who and what we are is in constant flux, as life continues to bring new events and circumstances to us. It’s a positive and healthy move, to review our life choices via the current context of our life, as it is now. Information is power. We are constantly growing and altering our ideas, as new input occurs. To stay current on our truth requires updating all the factors that have occurred in our life. Self reflection is the method of securing our ultimate happiness and peace of mind.