At the core of my dating advice is the need to secure my clients in their own self-esteem and personal power. Dating and relationships are the tricky transit of merging with another, and in doing so the end-result is often a compromise of who we are.
There’s something unique about the dating and mating process that triggers the need for acceptance. The extremes to which some people feel compelled to amend their preferences and attitudes in order to obtain love, is alarming.
When the desire to be wanted overtakes the desire to be who we are, we lose our way. In romance, it’s imperative to honor ourselves while loving another.
Because dating has relied upon creating an impression and putting our best foot forward, people are apt to pretend to be something they’re not. This eventually hurts both parties.
In pretending to be something we are not, we fool the other into buying into a product that’s clearly not for sale. We lure them into what we think ‘they want.’ We feign who we’d like to be, but are not.
There’s no relationship possible from this context. Only pain.
Impressing another to appear more interesting to them, is the sword upon which we must fall. We can’t keep up the pretense. More importantly, it takes us off our own course.
We begin to play by what we imagine to be their desired rules. In that choice, we lose ourselves.
By its nature, dating requires self-honesty and a knowledge of what we want to achieve in partnership. Without these two things clearly known, we’re at the mercy of our partner. We’ll be seduced into a type of connection that they want and they design, for their own needs.
It’s mandatory that we come from our own desires and not be afraid to speak up and be clear. There’s no loss from this position. We aren’t losing someone wonderful, if the price we needed to pay to get them was to be false.
Each time we speak (and live) our truth, we’re getting clearer on what we want. And, therefore, closer to materializing our true desires for happiness.