Yes there is a cure for jealousy. We need to ‘think it through.’
.The issue of jealousy requires inner work, as it’s a mental construct in need of adjustment. Imposing outer changes in the hopes of affecting an inner reality shift is pointless. Outer changes are never a cure. They’re a form of temporary band-aid that may shield a bruised ego but won’t eradicate the root cause of the underlying pain.
Here’s the breakdown of how jealousy occurs, how to overcome it, and the inevitable repercussions on a relationship when left unattended.
1. The Underlying Cause of Jealousy
Jealousy is a defensive response to feeling inferior and devalued. It’s the auto-reaction of one who doesn’t know their inner worth. Activated by an underlying feeling of lack, it’s rooted in the belief that we are “not enough.” Via comparison, we imagine we are “less than” desirable when evaluated against the qualities or achievement of others.
We become jealousy of another in wanting to possess their external symbols of power. That power may be seen as greater beauty, fame, money, or position. All these are markers by which we measure our worth in relation to the outer world. Seen as value identifiers, if we believe we cannot obtain, have or possess these markers, jealousy is the response.
Whatever we are jealous of, is seen as being separate from the Self. We, as the observer, must despise its presence. It’s a reminder of what we imagine we cannot have, or possess.
Control is at the core of this issue.
Feeling powerless ignites jealousy. We cannot control others. We cannot demand they see us in a heightened way, when we devalue ourselves. Complaining about their lack of respect, how it’s not fair, we deserve better… all boils down to the opinion we hold of ourselves.
In relationships, jealousy of others signifies the fear of losing our position of power. Other people are seen as a threat. Real or imagined, this creates an emotional roller coaster ride that erodes love within the partnership.
2. How to Overcome Jealousy?
As in all healthy relationships, both partners must have a solid sense of self. There must be self-love and self-worth in place before ever feeling good in partnership. The remedy lies in getting a life— and living the fullest expression of that life.
The cure to jealousy is to create a full and rich life, to agree with ourselves and begin to appreciate who and what we are. Having a “relationship” isn’t a cure for incompleteness. A healthy relationship must first exist within us, then extend to include another.
So often in this culture, we’re taught to look to someone else to import our happiness. It never happens that way. Every individual must make the journey to self-love on their own. Each of us must seek and discover own form of power and version of joy. It’s our job to enter a relationship as a complete individual. Only then, may we discover union.
3. How does Jealousy Ruin Relationships?
If we are jealous of our partners time at work or attention to others, we’re confining them to only seek joy through us. That’s unnatural and unrealistic. There is no balance in that demand. It can only create anger and resentment in our partner.
Irrational jealousy over other people can be another way this occurs. Imagined lovers, lack of trust, and assumed trysts will destroy any relationship. We must first trust ourselves, then trust our partner.
Romantic relationships stir up our underlying emotional disposition. If something is out of balance within us, it will rear its head in the partnership realm very quickly. The partner unsure of their value will look to their lover (an entity outside of themselves) for confirmation. No one, and no thing outside of ourselves, can create our worth. It’s an inside job that only we can perform.
Jealousy is heightened when the connection between the partners is less than ideal.
This appears as lack of trust, accusations, and threats. It can, and has, ruined many a relationship. It creates a pressure on an already fragile coupling. Instead, we need to foster a foundation of connectivity with our partner. We need two lives; one with ourselves and the joined life we share.