The fear of being alone is terrifying for most people I know. We’ve been led to believe that having someone is better than having no one. This message runs deep in our social fabric and is the basis of many single’s discontent.
Attached to this myth is the belief that being single mean “unwanted” instead of taking one’s time to choosing wisely.
The fear of being alone is an irrational construct. Alone doesn’t mean “lonely.” Yet, many single’s hate this part of the journey. There’s a time for everything; including time to be with ourselves while we regroup, revise new relationship goals, and take a time-out from dating to get to know the new person we’ve become.
I’ve counseled many people on the merits of being comfortable in their own skin and finding peace within. While this is the answer, it’s astounding how much resistance is given to the concept.
The reason for this resistance lies in outer identification.
We’ve been told through movies, music,only and literature that we’re incomplete if we’re alone. Only the presence of “another” can alleviate the void we feel inside and make us feel whole. In actuality, we feel a void when not aligned with ourselves.
It’s folly. But still, the myth continues in the minds of far too many single’s. How enticing the belief that someone else will be the balm to soothe us and the cure to our discontent? And how sad the realization that no one can provide solace for what we lack, inside.
No outer force that can sooth inner discontent.
If we press a partner to do our work for us, they’ll certainly fail. Then, they become the problem. Next, our relationship becomes the problem. The love that was supposed to complete us becomes a battleground of conflicting wills as each holds the other’s happiness in their fickle hands.
The fear of being alone is far greater than the real doing of it.
Taking time to be alone with ourselves can be the greatest journey of a lifetime. The discovery of what we like, what we feel, what we want, and who we really are is liberation at its finest.
When actualized, one discovers the delight of a freedom far greater than imagined.
After all the worries and projected fears have passed, there comes the unexpected ah-ha moment — we’re fine. Our former avoidance of solitude seems ridiculous in hindsight. We discover contentment. Then, joy.
We realize we have ourselves as good company. We begin to value the life we have. We learn our fears of being alone were completely unfounded. We create a new platform from which love may grow.
When we’ve worked through the fear of being alone, we are at peace. The pressure is off ourselves and off a future partner to “save us.” From that foundation of inner connection, we magnetize new suitors who also like themselves and like us.
Comfort within one’s self is the best starting point for dating and forming a new relationship. It’s the work that must be done by no one, but us. And, once done… is cherished as the edification of all that we are, and have now become.