1. What are the rules?
There are no rules. If we apply rules of romance from former time periods, we ask modern day individuals to squeeze themselves into a smaller version of who they are.
Social changes, including female empowerment and open sexuality, call for new ways of being— therefore each woman needs to create a new design of their our making, in alignment with their specific desires and goals.
Roles of defined behavior cannot work in a consciously emerging world. That’s why self awareness is key to all outer behaviors in dating. The more we know ourselves, the more we can take responsibility to creatively enter partnership in a way that works for us.
All attending anxiety is due to conforming to the out-dated standards by which we seek to apply a cardboard cut-out version of love. Those rules jail us, rather than liberate us. (And they don’t necessarily get us what we want.)
When we release the need to superimpose a specific code of behavior on the man, as well as ourselves, we are free to act naturally in accordance with our true disposition. From that standpoint, our authenticity calls forth similar others, willing to participate in life with us. Greater love and resonance has the possibility to flourish.
2. Who does what, and when?
Some women are comfortable in asking men out. In that case, I recommend to do so in a way that doesn’t appear to be a ‘date.’ That relieves the pressure on both sides. I counsel women to propose “inclusion.”
- A woman is already doing something with a group and invites the man to join her. It’s a way of saying, “I’d like to get to know you socially.”
- Or, she may make a casual statement of “personal inclusion;” such as “Why don’t we get together sometime and….” (Something she would do anyway, with or without him.)
The “inclusion technique” allows for less pressure, and more empowerment.
We have our own lives, and live them pro-actively. The man is invited to join an already rich vehicle of our personal expression and pleasure.
For an official date, where the man asks for our company, I still suggest we let them pay. If one feels the need to offer, when you trace it back to its roots, it’s normally that the woman isn’t sure about her attraction to him. Therefore she wants to pay her half so that she doesn’t feel she’s leading him on romantically.
3. When is it right to have sex?
When we are ready. That’s totally up to the woman. “Too early” is for his convenience, and shows lack of self worth. I do however maintain the attitude that the difference between a hook-up, and the possibility of “more,” is how we present ourselves to the man.
If we give sex immediately, we may not feel comfortable. The more we know and like him, the greater a connection we feel. And, there might not be ample time for him to discover our personality, and all that we have to offer as a human being.
The timing of sex is an instinctive thing. I don’t follow a “rule.” It’s artificial, and ridiculous. Since the current easy hook-up scene is the norm now days, I choose to go at my pace, and in my time.
Women who apply specific rules, such as in “3 dates” or “3 months” are at a loss. The time we take, should be long enough for us to feel a solid connection. I prefer to create a sense of solid footing, establishing a platform of being “seen” and “understood.” This is true regardless of what I envision our involvement to become.
4. Is being older, better?
Older and wiser makes everything easier. But only when we apply all that we know, and are courageous enough to trust ourselves to go outside the box and live authentically. We can afford to be bold, to try new things, and know we will be intact at the end of any new journey.
Being older allows us to have seen patterns of behavior, and assess if the man in question is worth our time. Age also provides another perk— we don’t have time for nonsense. Hopefully, the entirety of our life has shown us a history our on-going worth— the confidence of what we know to be true about ourselves, in a life fully expressed on every level.
And from my experience, older isn’t a disadvantage. It’s an additional asset that’s becoming quite in vogue.
Along with throwing out old rules, we can finally throw out the idiotic idea that “older” means “of less worth.” The world is changing, and along with it, we need to update our definitions to conform to the greater expression of our truth.