BY CHRISTY PIÑA
Breakups happen. Whether you were the one who was broken up with or the one who ended things — in the days, weeks, months, and maybe even years following a breakup, there may very well be moments that happened throughout your relationship that you reminisce on. That’s nothing to be ashamed of — there are plenty of things it’s normal to miss after a breakup, despite who ended it or why.
Breakups are exceptionally hard, and there’s a scientific explanation behind why that is. “When a couple goes through a breakup, the brain experiences massive withdrawal symptoms almost identical to a heroin addict quitting cold turkey,” Dr. Wyatt Fisher, licensed psychologist, told Elite Daily. “After a breakup, people should expect withdrawal symptoms for roughly six months and increase their self-care.”
If your ex was a big part of your life, it’s normal to miss certain things about them. Getting over them might take time. So, while you’re working through the rhythms, don’t freak out if random, sweet memories pop into your head and you find yourself longing for those memories to be more than just memories. Here are seven things you’ll probably find yourself missing after your breakup that are totally normal.
1 THEIR FAMILY & FRIENDS
When you’re in a serious relationship with someone, their family might be a part of the package. At first, they were probably intimidating, and maybe you even felt like you had to prove yourself to them. But eventually, you grew to love them. This is the family that raised the person you were in love with. Missing your ex’s family and friends is totally OK.
While maintaining a relationship with your ex’s family may be difficult after the breakup, keeping up with their friends is a little easier. Their friends are loyal to your ex, but they may not feel as obligated to keep their distance like a family member would. But remember: “Your cravings and obsessions with your ex will lessen if you are not surrounded by the memories of the ‘good times’ you had with your ex’s network of friends,” Fran Greene, LCSW and author of Dating Again With Courage And Confidence told Elite Daily.
2 THE GOOD TIMES
The good times spent with your ex can flood your mind at the most random times. When you walk down the aisle at the grocery store and see their favorite snack, or when your song comes on the radio, you might think of them. As time goes on, it’ll happen less and less. But even then, every once in a while, you’ll still probably think of the good times you shared.
3 THE CONSTANT CONTACT
This was one of the things that hit me the hardest after my ex and I broke up. I had gotten so used to having someone to talk to all day, every day, that after we broke up, my fingers itched for someone to text at all times. It was rough, but I got used to it, and you will too. There may even be a time where you can text your ex again — granted, not as often as you once did, but at least to check in with them. Don’t text them the day after your breakup, but also, don’t wait a year and pop in out of nowhere. “That creates awkwardness,” relationship coach Chris Armstrong told Elite Daily. “Instead, it’s best to build a nice and immediate bridge between the relationship and a friendship.” But not too immediate, either. Give them the space you think they need to come to terms with the breakup.
4 THE CONSISTENT SEX (AND CUDDLES)
On the more carnal side, you’re probably going to miss having a constant partner who’s usually down for sex. For a while there, you had a solid, reliable partner to turn to on those late, horny nights — knowing they’d be there for you. Breaking up means not having that anymore, which can be hard to adjust to. Not to mention, the spooning after was the perfect end to any long day.
5 HAVING SOMEONE TO SPEND TIME WITH
After a breakup, you may feel like you have way too much time on your hands. When you were with your partner, you probably spent a lot of your free time with them. Now that you’re not together anymore, consider trying to “fill that void with your own passions, friends, family, exercise, new activities that you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had the time,” relationship expert and matchmaker Nora DeKeyser of Three Day Rule, told Elite Daily. While having the time to do what you’ve always wanted to do is an incredibly liberating feeling, it doesn’t always stop you from longing for the days you’d spend just being with your ex.
6 THE FRIENDSHIP
Developing a special kind of friendship with your partner is common when you’re in a relationship. They can often become the person you spend countless hours with and find yourself still wanting more. And when you spend that much time with someone, you form a bond that’s different from the kind of bond you have with all your other friends.
When you and your partner breakup, you don’t just lose your SO. You can also lose your friend, and that can make you miss the relationship that much more. My ex was my best friend, and that friendship is one of the things I missed the most when we broke up, and still do sometimes over a year later.
You’re going to miss them. Whether it’s the sound of their laugh, the smell of their cologne or perfume, or how you felt in their arms. You’re going to miss all the things you loved about them, and that’s OK.
Unfortunately, relationships don’t always work out, even when we really want them to. “You met someone special and fell in love,” NYC relationship expert Susan Winter told Elite Daily, and “the depth of your involvement [may have] made it difficult for you to crawl out of the emotional hole in which you [may have found] yourself.” So, it’s normal to take your time and accept that you are going to miss things about them and the time you spent together.
But once “you’ve expressed all of your thoughts and feelings about the relationship, you’ve received all of the answers to your questions, and have an enlightened perspective on the relationship — that means you learned something about the relationship and you learned something about yourself,” behavior and relationship expertDr. Patrick Wanis, Ph.D., told Elite Daily. But closure is not some miracle drug that’ll heal your heartbreak immediately. “Closure does help you to speed up the healing process, [but it] doesn’t mean you’ll be free of pain; it means you will ease your pain dramatically.”
As time goes on, you’ll think of your ex less and less. One day you’ll barely think of them anymore, whether that be because you found someone new or you’ve simply gotten your closure and moved on with your life. “You’ll always have the happy memories you made together, but you won’t long for those moments anymore. And it’ll feel great, I promise.
Read this article and more at Elite Daily