By Tayi Sanusi
Do you know the early signs to watch for that show your new relationship won’t work out in the long run? Elite Daily asked its experts, and here’s what they said.
It can be all too easy to get caught up in the thrill of a new relationship before realizing it doesn’t have what it takes to last. For some, getting to know someone well enough to decide if there’s long-term potential takes a while. We find ourselves spending several months in the thick of the honeymoon phase, with all of the love juices flowing, only to realize shortly after that the person we’re with might not actually be the best fit. Luckily, there are several early signs a new relationship won’t work that can give you a ton of clarity beforeyou’re in too deep.
It goes without saying that every relationship is different, so it can be tricky to recognize subtle signs. It gets even more tricky when we aren’t completely upfront about who we are, because once we’ve decided we really like someone, we’d do anything to keep them smitten with us (even if that means not being fully ourselves). This pressure makes us less vocal about the compatibility issues that could turn out to be more severe later down the line. Learning to pick up on signs that may hint at incompatibility is one of the best ways to avoid wasting time with partners who won’t last. Here are some that experts say to look out for.
1Your partner avoids talking about the future.
“[If] you can’t shake the lingering sense that your partner’s unwilling to make an effort to be closer,” this could be a sign that you aren’t on the same page about the future of the relationship, relationship expert Susan Winter tells Elite Daily.
Aside from being stressful, not feeling completely secure in a relationship once you are exclusive could definitely mean that the long-term potential may not be there.
“Your relationship is fine, for now. They do just enough to keep the relationship going, but not enough to move it forward into more meaningful territory,” explains Winter.
2You have ‘critical incompatibilities.’
According to dating expert and relationship writer Demetrius Figueroa, the biggest things that get in the way of long-term relationship potential are “critical incompatibilities.”
“A critical incompatibility is any incompatibility that causes conflict where no compromise can be reached,” Figueroa tells Elite Daily. “Things like differing opinions on children, marriage, monogamy, sex, finances, and so on.”
While overcoming an incompatibility point is extremely difficult, that’s not to say it’s completely impossible. Although, once you realize that you have fundamentally different views on important issues, it may be better to take a step back.
3Your long-distance relationship has no firm plan.
“If the relationship is long-distance and you cannot see yourself moving for love and they couldn’t either, you’re going to have a tough road ahead,” certified dating coach Damona Hoffman tells Elite Daily.
As someone who survived almost two years of long-distance, I can say with certainty that the major thing that kept my partner and I optimistic during our time apart was having a date in mind when one of us would move. And even though that date got pushed back a couple of times, not having a solid plan for when you will be able to be together in the same city is a major sign the relationship won’t be able to survive for very long.
4You have different priorities.
“A couple who wants different things out of life, or different things out of life because of timing, has a short shelf life,” explains Figueroa. “You won’t always agree with your partner on everything, but if you’re building a life with someone, it’s hard to do that with competing priorities.”
It’s important to remember that overcoming obstacles in relationships may be difficult, but that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. Winter, Hoffman, and Figueroa all agree that the best way to address these potential issues is to have an open dialogue with your partner so that you’re both clear on where you stand. This way, if you decide to continue the relationship, neither one of you can say you didn’t know how the other person felt about something. And while this also may make you both realize that parting ways is best, knowing that sooner rather than later is almost always the better option.