There are times I receive comments that are so wonderful I must share them. Here’s a letter from a devoted reader named Julie. Her husband is two generations younger. They’ve found love, in finding each other. Thank you Julie and Nathan for being tangible proof that love between a younger man and his older partner can and does exist, in the real world:
I am Nathan’s wife (he’s posted a couple of times on your page) and when he saw this post on your site, Cougars; The New “King” of the Jungle, he told me I should comment here and I agreed.
I am a proud Cougar for sure. Our home is a matriarchal one where i am the “King” and breadwinner. When I used my power in the right way with him, it is then that love just grew fast and deep between us and we both then knew that we were meant to be husband and wife. He loved my assertive nature, my accomplishments, my confidence, passion and dependability. I loved his passion, his energy, his innocence, flexibility, and desire to learn. Although he likes to work, he and i both agree it will be a benefit to our child if he becomes a stay-at-home Dad. Here are my tips to powerful Cougar women who are looking to find and match with a young man who will embrace a relationship type that is still not fully understood and embraced by society but is here nonetheless.
ENJOY EARNING YOUR MONEY AND SHARING IT
As a Cougar woman who loves her career and takes pride in making the money you do, please be responsible and never use the fact you earn more money than your younger man to make him feel less valuable and important. The “old guard” where men have used the fact they were the breadwinners or made more money as a weapon to demean or control in an abusive manner their women/wives should never be allowed in your home. His value to you is not whether or not he makes a ton of money because that’s not why you want him in the first place. Plus, his dreams may not entail him making a bunch of money. His pure admiration and adoration for his powerful Cougar is a huge reason why he is a much more desirable mate than an older man who can’t handle your success. Younger men still have an ego and it should be stroked well. If he needs some money to do something that is worthwhile and valuable give it to him without regret. But don’t offer him money time and time again because you will make him feel less valuable. Make sure you find out what he likes to do and what his dreams are and let him know how wonderful they are and encourage him to pursue them.
BE THE SAFE PLACE FOR HIM TO OPEN UP EMOTIONALLY
Our younger men are not as experienced or developed emotionally as we are. It is fine. We should give him that comfortable place to listen to him and let him express himself without judgment. As many of us know, older men are often such terrible listeners when their women try to communicate with them. We have to be different our younger men. Younger men now are smart, and insightful and thoughtful. Dating and/or you is one of the most courageous things our young men have done. Sometimes, they are stress and worried about what their family thinks about their choice to be with us. Other times they struggle on deciding what they want to do with their lives as they still develop as a man. Be his safe place and the supportive woman you are to be their for your young man when he needs you the most.
KEEP SEX FUN AND INTERESTING
As Cougars, many of us have sex drives which increased dramatically. We have also found we want to be assertive as lovers in the bedroom. Some us found out that older men were lacking in their ability to keep up with us in the bedroom. In contrast the intensity and pleasure of having sex with a young man who can go all day and night and enjoys you taking control is heaven on earth. Yes, we love it that they want it all the time, but still keep it creative and let him show you what he’s got. Lavish him with praise at how well he satisfies his Cougar. Role play, tease, cuddle, etc. Use your experience to keep things fresh in the bedroom. Remind him why having sex with a Cougar is far better than anything he can have with a younger woman. If your friends ask about how good it is to be with your younger man, keep details to a minimum. You want your single gals to become Cougars too, but what happens behind closed doors with your younger lover is your business, not theirs
LET HIM HAVE GUY TIME
Young men often still want to have fun with their guys as much as they want to have fun with you. If you have developed a relationship of trust, let him have space. Part of being the “King” of your relationship means feeling secure in yourself in knowing that just because he wants to be with the boys, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you less. It also means Smothering a young man by wanting him to be with you 24/7 is a good way to make him think twice about being or staying with you. If you have blown his mind away in and out of bed like a Cougar often does, he will want to be back in your arms soon enough.
I hope this helps! Julie