By Susan Winter
As a woman who still marvels at the attention she receives from younger men, I must address the obvious. There are perils to boom-boom sex. This type of athletic encounter can leave your home shattered (as well as your hip.) Currently, I’m not of the mind to redecorate or be in a nursing facility.
In today’s world of open sexuality and increasing misinformation, it’s wise to put this whole discussion into its proper context. Boom-boom sex is only one note within a sexual symphony. Yet, through the educational eyes of porn it’s seen as the entire composition.
What women want and what men think we want are two very different things. One of the best discussions on this disparity comes from the self-proclaimed Cougar Queen Cindy Gallop, whose TED2009 Talk is still one of their most highly viewed presentations.
Ms. Gallop founded the controversial and informative website MakeLoveNotPorn.com. Her end-goal is to enlighten young men and women as to the reality of modern physical intimacy, and to dispel fanciful myth from fact.
Young men who’ve been educated by porn have a skewed version of the truth. They’re led to believe that all women crave this type of sex, and that it’s rewarding for their partner.
No. That’s not what all women want. Ms. Gallop knows that. My girlfriends know that and most women I speak to know that. Boom-boom sex has its place— but not as a steady diet. It’s more like a condiment that’s added for additional flavoring.
Having lived with and been loved by two Spaniards in my life, I know the other side of romantic expression. And once a woman’s been made love to there’s no going back to robotic, detached boom-boom sex. When a woman’s experienced the joy of true connection (emotional and physical) the former activity seems ridiculously empty in comparison.
Boom-boom sex is an invention of fantasy that excludes the effort of pleasing a woman. And sadly, many young men are confused about why their partners don’t swoon at the mere sight of their manhood on cue.
So here’s a reality check for young men. What you’re watching on your computer isn’t what’s going to happen for you in life. If it does, your girl should get an AVN award.
Women are complex. We’re a mixture of mind and emotion. Unlike you, we need time to connect to our excitement. We’re a caldron of water that needs to come to a rolling boil before any meaningful can happen.
For women, pleasure isn’t instantaneous. For you, a glance of skin will suffice. For us, it takes more. We require timing, emotional content and a sense of trust.
Women are a combination lock. Sorry for the confusion. But it’s the truth. You need to learn (and remember) our specific combination. Oh. And by the way. We’re all different. What worked on Mandy or Amber may not work on Emily or Sophia. So think it through. Pay attention. And be willing to take the time to figure out your lady. If you care enough to do so, you’ll discover her unique combination. Once you’ve mastered that, you’ll have an experience that goes beyond anything you’ve seen on your computer. And the best part… it’s real.