I recently had the opportunity to sit down with author, host, and relationship expert Susan Winter to discuss dating and relationships. With a resume in the field a mile long, Susan shares some of her greatest insights from working in the field. Enjoy!
1. Susan, you have a vast amount of experience in the field of relationships. When did you first realize that this something that you were successful at?
This career was completely accidental. I had a show on FNN (now CNBC) when I began dating younger men. It was a big deal in that time period. My boyfriend was 20 years younger. After 5 years of suffering through the intense social discrimination that surrounded our relationship, I wrote “Older Women/ Younger Men.” It became a runaway best seller.
I’ve studied psychology, spirituality and human behavior my whole life. I was always the one people went to for advice, even in college. What was meant, as a one-time thing became my real thing when I realized my vastly approach to relationship advice worked on not just a few, but many. I don’t teach tricks or games. I help people reconnect with their innate power and confidence, so that they can create the love model they want.
2. You teach the principle, “think beyond the apparent.” What do you mean by this?
Things are never as they “appear” to be in life or love. Our first impression is rarely the truth of a situation. To “think beyond the apparent” means to think beyond the presentation of the event to find its true meaning.
For example: A woman you’re dating is mad at you. She says, “I hate you. Leave me alone!” As a man, you’re thinking this is the truth of the situation. Yet, it’s often a plea for love. She feels unwanted and unappreciated. She’s begging you to show her concrete proof of your affection. How many times have you asked your girl, “What’s wrong?” and she replies, “Nothing.” The first bit of information is normally a cover for something far greater that lies beyond casual observation. We all need to think past what we’re seeing to see what’s really going on.
Human emotions are complex. And women’s emotions are even more complex. A woman may try to make you jealous, not return your calls or act like they don’t care, because they do care. Self-preservation often causes us to act in opposition to what we’re feeling. Decoding the truth means looking beyond the apparent to find the root of the behavior or action.
3. What would you say the single biggest difficulty that men have when it comes to forming successful relationships?
Every human being wants to love and be loved. Yet, the fear of being hurt is the single biggest issue that faces both men and women who are dating with the intent of gaining partnership.
This fear presents a secondary problem for men. While they may want someone special, they also fear losing their freedom and identity.
Partnership, for men, is often seen as the “woman’s creation” where she sets the rules. What will they lose in terms of freedom? Can they still hang out with their friends? Will she tell them how to dress, act, and behave?
Partner selection is important. Choosing a woman who likes you as you are and allows you to maintain your existing lifestyle is key to your happiness. And, remember, it’s your duty to create the kind of relationship you want from the get-go. Speak up. Don’t be afraid to say no and hold your ground. If you don’t establish boundaries in the beginning, it’s doubly hard to do it mid-stream.
4. What advice would you provide to my readers who desperately want to find a relationship online, but just can’t seem to get from dating, to finding that special someone and forming a meaningful relationship…
Lighten up on your intensity. It’s a numbers game (and you only need ‘one’). All of dating is trial and error. Sift carefully through the women who appeal to you, be clear on your “wants and don’t wants,” and keep a positive attitude. The right woman will feel effortless by comparison. You’ll feel comfortable and excited. Relaxed and interested.
5. If I could teach all the single men in the world one thing to find happiness it would be….
To really know themselves. The more that your readers know who they are and what they want out of their dating experience, the happier they will be.
6. Are there any future projects you would like to share with the world?
I have six more books in my computer and one is for men. Also, I’ll be adding video advice clips to my website and YouTube channel for both men and women.
You have been known to write quite a bit about the relationships between older women and younger men. What are your thoughts on this topic, and can men and women form sustainable relationships this way? Please share your thoughts on the subject…”
Love comes in a multitude of forms. Older women/younger men pairings can, and do work. I’ve researched over 200 couples in long-standing relationships within this format that are happily in love and enjoying a dynamic life together.
Today’s modern women are taking better care of themselves physically, emotionally and financially. Economic independence allows women to choose the man they want, not the man they need. Their power isn’t a threat to younger men (as is often the case with older men). It’s effect is the just the opposite; a turn-on.
Younger men appreciate the fact that older women are up front. “They know what they want and don’t play games,” is the mantra repeated by the younger men I’ve interviewed. This creates a sense of clarity and ease within the relationship for both parties.
People wrongly assume that the age difference will create problems in the future. Younger men choose older women for their content; it’s an up-front buy with no hidden surprises. They know she’s older but they’re seeking quality over flash. Older women prefer younger men due to their evolved mindset and compatible energy. This type of pairing is one of resonance, not externals.