Are you getting mixed messages from your partner? How do you know what they’re feeling… if they can’t (or won’t) tell you?
Whether we’re aware of it or not, we’re continually receiving the underlying meaning of words that are left unspoken. How does one tap into those messages and gain clarity?
Using our natural gifts:
Tune into your inner guidance for awareness of things unspoken. Human beings (especially women) have been blessed with intuition and instinct. We have the ability to feel our way toward a conclusion. When we’re able to listen with our feelings, we gain a more accurate assessment of unspoken messages.
“It’s not the words you hear, but the words you don’t hear that are important. Listen between the lines, and listen within the silence.”
Why we fear the absence of direct communication:
Humans seek security, and growth. The duality of these opposing desires causes immense reactivity within the love dynamic. Relationships bring these contrasting issues to the surface.
The intention of loving partnership is to create a safe environment for our issues to be cleared. Within the safety of mutual affection, both partners are able to see their reactivity and make changes for the better.
Why we fear there may be problem:
The inherent volatility of a love affair can stir up even the most confident person’s insecurities. Not to worry. This uncertainty can also create an opening for healing, and advancement.
Transformation is the ultimate intent and purpose of the love design. Utilizing the catalyst of love to transform our pain and deactivate our ego is a blessing. Yet, it’s this pain that ends many a relationship. When we’re unaware of this underlying causation, we’ll point to the “other” as being the root of our problems.
Unconscious of our responsibility for what’s being revealed in our own psyche, we often end the relationship. We leave the problematic person, only to revisit the same issues with our next partner.
Translating your lover’s silence:
There’s a time of transition in a relationship when words aren’t spoken. It’s often due to an underlying issue that’s not being aired. People are apt to stay silent at this juncture for two reasons—
- They don’t have the answers.
- They know the answers, but don’t care to share their thoughts at the moment.
Whichever reason applies, silence is a statement. Silence speaks volumes, as in the case of one partner asking the other, “Do you love me?” If there’s no reply, that’s an answer in and of itself. It may not mean that your partner’s lost their love for you. They may have new input to evaluate. With time, comes clarity. With clarity, words become available.
If it’s a new issue:
Silence can be particular to a moment in time, or an evolving situation. Silence signals a shift from what was easily said, to that which is harder to articulate. It can be a marker of revision when addressing a change. Not to be rigidly viewed as a sign of relationship termination, but rather as an internal shift within your partner to which you must be attentive.
If it’s an old issue:
Silence, in reference to a past painful situation can be code for, “Don’t ask.” Or, “I’m not comfortable discussing this situation right now.” To decipher what’s meant requires intuition and sensitivity.
Pushing for an immediate answer may sooth your impatience, but you won’t like what you hear. Let your partner sort out their feelings. Give them some time. Give yourself some time. When you’ve reached a state of calm, initiate a conversation if they haven’t done so already.
Resist the fear to assume the worst:
There’ll be times when your partner’s silence doesn’t have a deeper meaning. It is, what it is. There’s no truth being hidden, and no decision being weighed. Think of it as taking a pause, like sitting down to relax. This version of silence is especially common when a couple has settled into their relationship and feel secure with each other.
In a world of constant chatter, silence can feel disturbing. Before you add your own fears to the mix, consider the possibility that your lover’s silence may have nothing to do with you. There could be something stirring inside of them for which you’re only a minor player in their drama. Simply observe the patterns of silence, noting when they occur and under which circumstances.
Resist the urge to jump the gun. Resist the urge to imagine it’s about you, or that it signals an ending. When your partner’s able to articulate their feelings, they’ll do so. Half of their journey toward clarity depends upon you remaining centered to allow this process to occur.
Trust the process of emotional assimilation. And trust your innate ability to feel your way toward a greater reconnection and communication.
Follow Susan Winter on Twitter: https://twitter.com/susan_e_winter