Charm is one of those mysterious words in the English language that is easy to see and to feel, but hard to put into words. If you were to ask 10 people what it means, you will likely get 10 different definitions.

To accurately define charm, you almost need one of those words in another language that is synonymous with some obscure yet super-relatable idea.

Like “Shemomedjamo”, which in Georgian means “I accidentally ate the whole thing” or perhaps “cafune”, which in Brazilian Portuguese means “tenderly running your fingers through your lover’s hair.” (see here for more of those, promise me you’ll come back.

Damn, that’s suave!

Anyways, so what is charm, and how do you do it?

To help answer the question of how to be charming, I reached out to some of the world’s top experts on the subject, and here is what they had to say:

          Susan Winter

Charm is the ability to make others feel comfortable in our presence. For those rare individuals who inherently possess this quality, we call it charisma.

If you’re not naturally charming, don’t worry. It’s a social skill that can be learned and mastered. Just like any other skill, typing or a foreign language, practice improves our confidence and proficiency.

The key to charm is warmth. Genuine warmth and real interest in others is the way to attract people to you. Especially women. Authenticity is the essential principle. Disregard the myths you’ve learned about male behavior; the ‘forced confidence’ of the player, or slick pick-up lines of a seasoned gamer. That’s all façade. It’s a pushy form of flash. Charm trumps flash because it’s magnetic.

Next time you’re out, try this: Be alert and attentive to what women are saying. Really listen. Be open, and be warm. Put aside the need to impress and relax into the position of allowing. You’ll draw far more positive attention to yourself from this approach, than by rattling off your accomplishments. No one wants to listen to your monologue. But everyone feels good when they’re telling you theirs.


As seen on OPRAH, best-selling author/relationship expert Susan Winter (Allowing Magnificence and Older Women/Younger Men) specializes in evolutionary forms of loving partnership and higher thinking. She writes, speaks and coaches on accessing our inherent perfection in life and love. Media credits include: THE TODAY SHOW, GOOD MORNING AMERICA, ABC/CBS/NBC EVENING NEWS, CNN, BBC NEWS 5, COSMO, HARPERS BAZAAR, PEOPLE, GOOD HOUSEKEEPING, NEW YORK MAGAZINE, THE LONDON TIMES, THE NEW YORK TIMES, THE HUFFINGTON POST, and THE GOOD MEN PROJECT. In radio Susan is a frequent guest on NPR, ABC, PLAYBOY NETWORK (Sirius Radio), and CBS News Radio.

Read the entire article to learn what my fine colleagues had to share:

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