By Susan Winter on September 18, 2013
Dating isn’t an interview. Targeted questions to extract ones merit isn’t communication. It’s judgement. When response is the goal, guard and skepticism attend automatically. The commonly used “10 question format” backfires as it increases the potential for false information. This style of assessing compatibility leaves both people disillusioned and frustrated. Interrogation isn’t dating. Ferreting out desired answers and/or calculating errors, cannot lead you to the truth. Only an open heart will offer the answers you seek.
I’ve spent the better half of my adulthood as a TV anchor/moderator. The key to a successful interview lies in the level of truth revealed and vital details gained. This is only possible when the other person is relaxed and comfortable to be themselves. When a person feels threatened, they scramble to alter their story. The “truth” is eliminated in order to “look good,” when responding from a defensive position. When fear is present, real information isn’t available. Truth is revealed in the absence of judgement.
Dating is a meet and greet event. If it’s information you seek, I can guarantee you that an open heart and relaxed manner will garner more of what you want to know than the turmoil of interrogation. An open heart allows another to reveal themselves. Defensiveness, forces a false presentation. The magical property of an open heart elicits honesty. Only within comfort, can the real occur. An unguarded response hasn’t been edited for approval. Without judgment attending the date as your chaperone, the things you need to know about a new person will be discovered effortlessly.
The warmth of an open heart has the ability to arouse warmth in another’s heart. This vehicle of profound seduction creates an environment of limitless possibilities. An open heart allows you to shine in its magnificence, as it allows the other person to shine in response. Its magnetism draws in the best qualities of any dating experience, and results in true connection. The gem most guarded, is the most powerful resource we have for attaining love.
In the attempt to create a loving connection, it is often our strength that we hide. Fearful of revealing our heart, we harden it to serve our ego. While seeking the truth in another, we hide our own truth in the fear that we are somehow inadequate. The power we have is the power we hide. In closing our heart, we pray the other will open first to relieve our fears. How can that occur from a closed position? It is our warmth and openness that inspires others to respond in a like manner. An open heart is the hallmark of strength and self-confidence. This unabashed delivery for which no response is needed, proves the validity of its force. To approach dating as a whole person grounded in self-esteem, is to live the power we possess. Its effect is astounding, as it liberates both parties to expand the ritual of dating from interview, to union.