Dating can feel like running a marathon in high-heels and push-up bra, with a bad hangover. The “no rules” free-for-all system we have today puts men in a vaulted seat of primacy. Men have become the treasured goal. Or so a woman is led to believe.

The magazines that serve as your coaches are failing you. While you’re getting articles on this month’s trick to please him for a night, you’re not getting any guidance to secure your self-esteem for a lifetime.

I remember the nonsense that consumed my mind in the past. I was fed the same ridiculous information. Subliminally and overtly, I was told my worth was won by gaining expertise in these in two categories:

1. How to attract a man.

2. How to drive him crazy in bed.

Magazines articles and their advertisements focus on the externals of attracting a man. That’s their job. The more you believe attraction is an external event, the more you stay plugged into the buying of their products. This tactic keeps you in the loop of looking outside of yourself— forever searching for new identities and new images of allure. It’s not your truth. And it’s not helping you discover the allure you already have.

Men don’t care about your clothes! They’d prefer you naked. Instead of buying another pair of Manolo’s, why not consider buying a gym membership? Better yet, go to the gym you’ve already paid for and consistently use it. You’ll feel great and look better. Spend the cash you’ve saved on a personal luxury you really want. The only men who appreciate a woman’s shoes are gay. So, buy the clothes and shoes you like and set your own style.

Driving him crazy in bed is all about you, and your energy. It’s how you feel about yourself and how you feel in your own skin. Your desire sets the heat. Your passion is what turns him on. You are the active ingredient to creating a great sexual experience for both of you.

At the tipping point of social evolution there exists the possibility that the tides of advertising may turn; that women will know the joys of being the treasured goal, and that men will carry the cultural burden of earning our attention and acceptance in bed.

My future fantasy? Newsstands with men’s magazines proudly displaying cover stories entitled, “10 Tips to Make Her Love You,” “How to Please Your Woman In Bed,” and “Get the Beach Body She’ll Adore.”

Instead of waiting for that incredible day to arrive, we can speed up the process by each woman seeking the goal of her own worth. Take your power back. The way to gain a man worth loving is to “like yourself” first.