By Lily Rouff
What can you tell about the person you’re dating, based on how they treat others? We asked relationship expert Susan Winter for 7 red flags we shouldn’t (try) to miss.
You’ve done it. Against all odds, you’ve found the seemingly perfect person. All of your dates have been amazing, filled with endless hours of deep conversation and sweet affections. And how is it possible that you have, like, everything in common? That is, until… your dates get a little more public, and you start noticing their interactions with others. In one word: yikes. Suddenly, you’re looking up red flags on a date with someone.
Bummer, man. Seriously. While it may seem like we have really gotten to know someone in our one-on-one time with them, our love interests are usually on their best behavior when they’re with us. They’re trying to impress us, obviously. But the way people treat others when their guard is a little more down can be a huge indicator of who they are — and what’s to come.
The thing is, personality traits are generally pretty all-encompassing. If someone is a raging narcassist, they don’t selectively let that out with some people or exclusively in certain situations. Your date might be able to hide their true colors from you in the beginning stages of courtship, but if you notice them acting differently around people who aren’t you, it could be a sign that you need to watch out.
Here are some of the ways that your date may treat other people that are definitely red flags.
1. They Are Super Belittling
No one likes a know-it-all, but even worse is a person who puts others down. If your partner is full of snide remarks toward others or constantly talks down to people, they might have some sort of superiority complex.
2. They Have A Very Short Temper
Being involved with a person with a short temperment could lead to a toxic relationship. Bestselling author and relationship expert Susan Winter told Elite Daily that an person who’s really impatient in settings without you might eventually turn that anger on you instead.
3. They’re Overly Flirtatious Toward Other People
Unless you’re in an open relationship, flirtation toward others is not ideal in romance. Some people are natural flirts, and a little light flirting here or there doesn’t impact your bond, but it is up to you to decide where the boundaries are. If it feels like your partner is actively hitting on other people, this could indicate tendencies toward infidelity.
4. There Is A Lack Of Sincerity In Their Tone
If your person is totally dismissive of others in conversation, it could mean that they lack respect for opinions and viewpoints outside of their own. A huge part of being in a healthy relationship is the ability to compromise, which could be impeded by someone who can’t take others seriously.
5. Their Confidence Level Always Plummets
We largely think of red flags in interactions with other people as signs of rudeness, but you should also watch out for how your partner holds their own. If your partner’s confidence level drops around other people or they suddenly become way less self-assured, this could be a red flag that they won’t be able to stand their ground on their own. Not everyone has to be the most assertive person in the world, but being a pushover can lead to major downfalls.
6. They Disrespect Their Friends’ Time
Lori Salkin, SawYouatSinai.com senior matchmaker and dating coach, points to an inability to commit to plans with others as a red flag. Aside from hugely disrespecting other people’s time and feelings, this could show that they are always waiting for something better to come along. Salkin says it “is likely to eventually be the way your significant other will treat you.”
7. They Knock Other Relationships
Ridiculing friends and family for their serious relationships could be a sign that your partner does not take commitment seriously. “If you cannot be happy for your friends and need to constantly disapprove of every relationship around you, it [could be] a red flag for how your significant other feels about relationships and the lack of serious interest in your relationship,” says Salkin.
Don’t wave the white flag just yet. While it is smart to keep an eye out for red flags, if you think this person is stellar, make sure to talk to them before jumping to conclusions. If they are willing to hear you out and have a justifiable response for their actions, you could still salvage your budding relationship.