Susan Winter
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As seen on OPRAH, author and relationship expert Susan Winter (Older Women, Younger Men, New Horizon Press, 2000) brings her experience and expertise to this website.
Older women and the younger men they love are not just a Hollywood fad. In the real world, this romantic union is becoming increasingly common--- it could be your neighbor, your plumber's mother, and possibly, yourself.
If you are one of the many older women currently involved with a younger
man, get the guidance and insight you need, gained from real-life
experience and research.
If you are a younger man seeking relationship advice on your romance with an older woman, you will find the valuable tools you require for the best possible relationship.
Whether simply curious about the dating process, or in need of real answers for this emerging form of partnership--- here you will find exciting new information and novel solutions.
WWW.AMAZON.COM
WWW.BARNESANDNOBLE.COM
To order the book directly, the address is:
New Horizon Press
PO Box 669
Far Hills, NJ 07931
The cover price of the book is $15.95, plus $4.50 shipping and handling. Check or money order only, no credit cards.
WWW.BARNESANDNOBLE.COM
To order the book directly, the address is:
New Horizon Press
PO Box 669
Far Hills, NJ 07931
The cover price of the book is $15.95, plus $4.50 shipping and handling. Check or money order only, no credit cards.
Older Women, Younger Men helps mature women boldly embrace a new world of opportunity for love and romance. This book serves as a necessary counterbalance to a world of apprehensive misunderstanding.
It opens the eyes and hearts of all who seek love, and its greater possibility. This is not a "how-to" book for hook-ups, but rather an authentic look at the lives of men and women who have discovered love-- while casting off the antiquated formula of 'age appropriate" partners, in election of true resonance and connection.
For younger men who are either considering a relationship with an older woman or currently involved with an older woman, this book offers valuable tools for handling every type of age related issue, as well as solid partnership advice. It also serves as a comprehensive guide for concerned friends and family members of "age varied" couples, providing clarity and understanding.
A Woman's Worth
For centuries, a woman's worth has been measured by her youth and beauty. When we listen to the world, we forget our truth. Caged by an outdated concept, many women have believed this to be true. And, in believing this, their lives have been limited. In all ways... including love. Yet, there are those who refuse to be confined to being less.
A woman's worth is the totality of who she is. We are more than our bodies. We are more than our age, or beauty. More than our sexual allure. A truly empowered woman knows how to love completely. Her heart has no limits. Her choices have no limits. A woman's worth is measured by a life fully expressed. The courage to be her own person, to create her own vision of life--- regardless of what society says.
In life, there is evolution. The evolution of new ideals, and greater options. Each decade creates more choice, extending the realm of who we are and what we can be in the world. An original life, is one that walks against the crowd. The rules of society are broken--- not in defiance, but in the need to create new rules that allow for greater expansion and growth.
There are new options for love and romance. We are free to love the person we desire, regardless of age--- theirs, or ours. Barriers that limit love are crumbling. The freedom to love should know no boundaries. As women continue to see themselves as powerful, deserving, and worthy, they enjoy a greater participation in all the world has to offer. Younger men are just one form of this expression. It's a choice, formerly not granted to us. It's not about sex. It's about love. It's not about younger men seeking money or opportunity. And, it's not about an older woman using manipulation. It's about real love--- a love that can, and does work.
As long as we live our truth and express our life fully, there is no limit to our worth. We are servants only to our dreams... not to societies expectations. To live with complete freedom, the life we choose. Without limitation, shame, or justification. Freedom of choice--- to be who we came here to be, and to love whom we want to love.
In 1999, while writing Older Women/Younger Men, one of my interviewees stated, "We've had to find forgiving friends." Though that statement may sound extreme today, it was the reality many of us experienced only a decade ago. Hooking-up with a young guy was acceptable... but loving, committed partnerships were chastised. It wasn't just the women suffered social reproach. The men, too, were diminished. Seen as opportunistic boy toys, they were saddled with “what's wrong with them,” for loving an older woman. Gratefully, society has come to understand this union as just another option for love and romance.
It's also losing its “fad” status. No, it's not just a “celebrity” thing. It's a choice that's representative of a shift in mainstream thinking. Now that a younger man is on the game board of every woman's options, and older women increase a younger man's choices as well, everyone benefits. The liberation is not only one of love, but of an entire social consciousness. Accepting love, and seeing beyond of image of age, signals female emancipation and male evolution. It's the freedom to see women's sexual desirability beyond the cage of youth and beauty. It's the freedom to see men's worth, beyond power and status.
This ideological opening extends from a greater message. Barriers that limit love are crumbling. Whether racial, religious, or gender-based; love is what matters. And the freedom to love, should know no boundaries.
Each decade creates more choice, extending the realm of who we are, and what we can be, in the world. Each generation becomes more tolerant and inclusive. The rigid format by which we once viewed social structure and its corresponding roles for men and women is shifting to accommodate new choices and expanded liaisons
How to Date a Younger Man: The 5 Things you Need to Know
If you're thinking about dating a younger man, congratulations. Far too many centuries have limited women's choices. With younger men added to the romantic game board, every woman increases her opportunity for love and romance. As a relationship expert in this specific field of research, I've witnessed a tremendous shift in societal perception over the last ten years. What was once thought of as unusual, has now become common place. Our current state of social consciousness has finally allowed all women an expanded freedom of choice. No, you don't have to be Demi or Madonna. You don't have to be rich or beautiful. You simply have to be open to the idea, and willing to see younger men as an additional option for partnership.
While the basis of all dating is still the connection between two individuals, this romantic design contains some variations. To enjoy the best results, here are five things you need to know:
Be open to the possibility
In order to date a younger man, a woman must first attract a younger man into her life. How does that happen? The answer is simple. Be open to the possibility.
Human beings possess an amazing internal computer system. All of our thoughts eventually become reality. Whatever we allow into our mind, will occur in our life. If you want to date a younger man, first allow the thought to exist. It's like selecting a radio station. Just as you'd tune the dial for the type of music you like, the radio is automatically set to pick up that station. The same is true in what you attract in the form of men. In order to date a younger man, create the mental frequency for his response.
Now, you carry that vibe. Again, like the radio, it's something you emit. Once this mental frequency is set, it's ready to be received by younger guys--- when you're walking your dog, in a grocery store, or out with friends. You don't have to change how you dress. You don't have to scout the college bars. Just live your life, and watch what happens. Trust me on this one. I've been dating younger men for twenty years.
Expect the unexpected
Younger men come from a different generation. Therefore, they perceive the world differentially than their older counterparts. They grew up with working moms. They respect and admire powerful women. Whereas older men have been taught to see women as accessories to their lives, younger guys see women as equals. Since younger men accept female empowerment as the norm, that principle transfers into equal partnership.
Each generation becomes more enlightened and inclusive. Your younger man may surprise you with an unexpected level of self awareness. He may possess an emotional capacity you didn't anticipate. Chances are he'll be more spontaneous and adventurous than you're used to. He may challenge your ideals. He's apt to push you to a new understanding of a social situation, or open your thinking to a new perspective. This is rooted in his sense of equality. It's not borne of a power trip. Younger men are exceedingly comfortable with your power, and don't need to diminish you, in order to substantiate themselves.
Because a younger man hasn't had the time to learn the routine of dating, he may throw you off a bit... in a good way. Lacking the additional years of acquired gamesmanship, he's often more natural and honest in his courtship. It's refreshing. But it requires an equal dose of honesty from you. What attracts a younger man to an older women, is the lack of games. So, if you're default is to pullout the known “this-always-works trick,” forget it. He lacks the polish his older counterparts possess in countering your moves. You'll be forced to be real. Honesty is the best communication policy here. And, that's a very good thing.
Don't equate age with simplicity. He may have more content than you expect. What you thought would be a casual fling, may turn into the real thing. Less guarded emotionally, lacking the years of dating and it's corresponding disillusionment, a younger man comes with a cleaner slate. It's a blank canvass upon which the two of you may design the finest romance imaginable.
There will be exciting differences
A younger man will force you to grow. He will open the door to a new vision of life. He may not listen to the same type of music, or use the same reference points in conversation that are familiar to you. He may have a completely different world view--- one freer and more open. You will be forced to see things differently, and learn new things. That's good. You'll be aware of a new world, and see it with new eyes.
There will be enough commonality to connect you, but enough differences to excite you. The connection you share will be one of resonance, not formula. Expansion and excitement are the hallmarks of involvement with a younger man. Be ready to do the “unexpected date,” go to the novel location, and experience the unknown. Be ready to laugh. Be willing to let go of what you know, and enter the new. Your life will be richer for it.
You may not be the one in control
The term “Cougar” conjures up images of a stealth hunter on the prowl for her next easy prey. It sounds empowering, and women are loving the comparison. But in reality, media has taunted us with a myth. The only thing a secure established woman controls, is her own life. Not another's.
As an older woman, you've had the added years of self reflection to have learned your truth, and live authentically. You've become less reactive (what men call “crazy”), taking on life with a greater perspective while taking yourself less seriously. You've won enough battles to know your strengths, and lost enough challenges to know you'll survive. But don't assume this younger man is a toy, or easy prey.
Younger men are the product of an evolving world. You may easily discover your younger man is more enlightened than anticipated. He may be able to handle things in the dating/relationship process, that you are not. Let him be himself, and allow yourself to be the woman you've always wanted to be. Know what you want. State your truth. Don't worry. You're not giving up control. You are, in reality, taking authentic control. You're entering co-creation.
Younger men view dating in terms of partnership. While former versions of dating assumed male and female roles, today's younger guys prefer to create original models. Resist the temptation to mold him into the rigid dating versions of the past. Don't allow the old roles to limit your vision.
By assisting each other and working together, you can create the version of dating/relationship that works best for both of you. Here is where you get to exercise real control. In evolving partnership models, two people function as one unit, with equal input and joint control. It's a vast improvement on the old dating design. From my years of research, this type of partnership is where the real magic happens.
He's probably had more sex than you have
While you might think you're the one with all the experience, here's where the tables often turn. Just because he's young, doesn't mean he's sexually naïve. Age doesn't equal sexual experience. Younger generations have grown up with a more open attitude toward sexuality. From the statistics I've studied, many young men have been active since their early teens. Their entire sexual landscape is uncluttered by the former mores of times past. Sexuality is viewed as a healthy, normal part of human expression. It's a new terrain, where nothing is taboo and nothing is abnormal between consenting adults. You may just learn a thing or two from him.
We always hear that older men are better in bed. Personally, I can't comment on this one. I think it's just a rumor... started by old men. The oldest man I've ever dated, was still 12 years younger than myself. While older men are said to have mastered the art of pleasing a woman--- again, this is anecdotal. I've heard far too many complaints to believe it's factual. Judging from what my girlfriends tell me, it's definitively dicey. In this arena, older doesn't always mean better. As for me, I'll take my chances with younger men. I know what to expect.
In time, perhaps I'll have the opportunity to experience a man in his 50's or 60's. At that point, I will have the answer... are older men better in bed? But at 80, I probably won't feel like writing about it.
For centuries, a woman's worth has been measured by her youth and beauty. When we listen to the world, we forget our truth. Caged by an outdated concept, many women have believed this to be true. And, in believing this, their lives have been limited. In all ways... including love. Yet, there are those who refuse to be confined to being less.
A woman's worth is the totality of who she is. We are more than our bodies. We are more than our age, or beauty. More than our sexual allure. A truly empowered woman knows how to love completely. Her heart has no limits. Her choices have no limits. A woman's worth is measured by a life fully expressed. The courage to be her own person, to create her own vision of life--- regardless of what society says.
In life, there is evolution. The evolution of new ideals, and greater options. Each decade creates more choice, extending the realm of who we are and what we can be in the world. An original life, is one that walks against the crowd. The rules of society are broken--- not in defiance, but in the need to create new rules that allow for greater expansion and growth.
There are new options for love and romance. We are free to love the person we desire, regardless of age--- theirs, or ours. Barriers that limit love are crumbling. The freedom to love should know no boundaries. As women continue to see themselves as powerful, deserving, and worthy, they enjoy a greater participation in all the world has to offer. Younger men are just one form of this expression. It's a choice, formerly not granted to us. It's not about sex. It's about love. It's not about younger men seeking money or opportunity. And, it's not about an older woman using manipulation. It's about real love--- a love that can, and does work.
As long as we live our truth and express our life fully, there is no limit to our worth. We are servants only to our dreams... not to societies expectations. To live with complete freedom, the life we choose. Without limitation, shame, or justification. Freedom of choice--- to be who we came here to be, and to love whom we want to love.
Where we Were, and Where We are Now
In 1999, while writing Older Women/Younger Men, one of my interviewees stated, "We've had to find forgiving friends." Though that statement may sound extreme today, it was the reality many of us experienced only a decade ago. Hooking-up with a young guy was acceptable... but loving, committed partnerships were chastised. It wasn't just the women suffered social reproach. The men, too, were diminished. Seen as opportunistic boy toys, they were saddled with “what's wrong with them,” for loving an older woman. Gratefully, society has come to understand this union as just another option for love and romance.
It's also losing its “fad” status. No, it's not just a “celebrity” thing. It's a choice that's representative of a shift in mainstream thinking. Now that a younger man is on the game board of every woman's options, and older women increase a younger man's choices as well, everyone benefits. The liberation is not only one of love, but of an entire social consciousness. Accepting love, and seeing beyond of image of age, signals female emancipation and male evolution. It's the freedom to see women's sexual desirability beyond the cage of youth and beauty. It's the freedom to see men's worth, beyond power and status.
This ideological opening extends from a greater message. Barriers that limit love are crumbling. Whether racial, religious, or gender-based; love is what matters. And the freedom to love, should know no boundaries.
Each decade creates more choice, extending the realm of who we are, and what we can be, in the world. Each generation becomes more tolerant and inclusive. The rigid format by which we once viewed social structure and its corresponding roles for men and women is shifting to accommodate new choices and expanded liaisons
How to Date a Younger Man: The 5 Things you Need to Know
If you're thinking about dating a younger man, congratulations. Far too many centuries have limited women's choices. With younger men added to the romantic game board, every woman increases her opportunity for love and romance. As a relationship expert in this specific field of research, I've witnessed a tremendous shift in societal perception over the last ten years. What was once thought of as unusual, has now become common place. Our current state of social consciousness has finally allowed all women an expanded freedom of choice. No, you don't have to be Demi or Madonna. You don't have to be rich or beautiful. You simply have to be open to the idea, and willing to see younger men as an additional option for partnership.
While the basis of all dating is still the connection between two individuals, this romantic design contains some variations. To enjoy the best results, here are five things you need to know:
Be open to the possibility
In order to date a younger man, a woman must first attract a younger man into her life. How does that happen? The answer is simple. Be open to the possibility.
Human beings possess an amazing internal computer system. All of our thoughts eventually become reality. Whatever we allow into our mind, will occur in our life. If you want to date a younger man, first allow the thought to exist. It's like selecting a radio station. Just as you'd tune the dial for the type of music you like, the radio is automatically set to pick up that station. The same is true in what you attract in the form of men. In order to date a younger man, create the mental frequency for his response.
Now, you carry that vibe. Again, like the radio, it's something you emit. Once this mental frequency is set, it's ready to be received by younger guys--- when you're walking your dog, in a grocery store, or out with friends. You don't have to change how you dress. You don't have to scout the college bars. Just live your life, and watch what happens. Trust me on this one. I've been dating younger men for twenty years.
Expect the unexpected
Younger men come from a different generation. Therefore, they perceive the world differentially than their older counterparts. They grew up with working moms. They respect and admire powerful women. Whereas older men have been taught to see women as accessories to their lives, younger guys see women as equals. Since younger men accept female empowerment as the norm, that principle transfers into equal partnership.
Each generation becomes more enlightened and inclusive. Your younger man may surprise you with an unexpected level of self awareness. He may possess an emotional capacity you didn't anticipate. Chances are he'll be more spontaneous and adventurous than you're used to. He may challenge your ideals. He's apt to push you to a new understanding of a social situation, or open your thinking to a new perspective. This is rooted in his sense of equality. It's not borne of a power trip. Younger men are exceedingly comfortable with your power, and don't need to diminish you, in order to substantiate themselves.
Because a younger man hasn't had the time to learn the routine of dating, he may throw you off a bit... in a good way. Lacking the additional years of acquired gamesmanship, he's often more natural and honest in his courtship. It's refreshing. But it requires an equal dose of honesty from you. What attracts a younger man to an older women, is the lack of games. So, if you're default is to pullout the known “this-always-works trick,” forget it. He lacks the polish his older counterparts possess in countering your moves. You'll be forced to be real. Honesty is the best communication policy here. And, that's a very good thing.
Don't equate age with simplicity. He may have more content than you expect. What you thought would be a casual fling, may turn into the real thing. Less guarded emotionally, lacking the years of dating and it's corresponding disillusionment, a younger man comes with a cleaner slate. It's a blank canvass upon which the two of you may design the finest romance imaginable.
There will be exciting differences
A younger man will force you to grow. He will open the door to a new vision of life. He may not listen to the same type of music, or use the same reference points in conversation that are familiar to you. He may have a completely different world view--- one freer and more open. You will be forced to see things differently, and learn new things. That's good. You'll be aware of a new world, and see it with new eyes.
There will be enough commonality to connect you, but enough differences to excite you. The connection you share will be one of resonance, not formula. Expansion and excitement are the hallmarks of involvement with a younger man. Be ready to do the “unexpected date,” go to the novel location, and experience the unknown. Be ready to laugh. Be willing to let go of what you know, and enter the new. Your life will be richer for it.
You may not be the one in control
The term “Cougar” conjures up images of a stealth hunter on the prowl for her next easy prey. It sounds empowering, and women are loving the comparison. But in reality, media has taunted us with a myth. The only thing a secure established woman controls, is her own life. Not another's.
As an older woman, you've had the added years of self reflection to have learned your truth, and live authentically. You've become less reactive (what men call “crazy”), taking on life with a greater perspective while taking yourself less seriously. You've won enough battles to know your strengths, and lost enough challenges to know you'll survive. But don't assume this younger man is a toy, or easy prey.
Younger men are the product of an evolving world. You may easily discover your younger man is more enlightened than anticipated. He may be able to handle things in the dating/relationship process, that you are not. Let him be himself, and allow yourself to be the woman you've always wanted to be. Know what you want. State your truth. Don't worry. You're not giving up control. You are, in reality, taking authentic control. You're entering co-creation.
Younger men view dating in terms of partnership. While former versions of dating assumed male and female roles, today's younger guys prefer to create original models. Resist the temptation to mold him into the rigid dating versions of the past. Don't allow the old roles to limit your vision.
By assisting each other and working together, you can create the version of dating/relationship that works best for both of you. Here is where you get to exercise real control. In evolving partnership models, two people function as one unit, with equal input and joint control. It's a vast improvement on the old dating design. From my years of research, this type of partnership is where the real magic happens.
He's probably had more sex than you have
While you might think you're the one with all the experience, here's where the tables often turn. Just because he's young, doesn't mean he's sexually naïve. Age doesn't equal sexual experience. Younger generations have grown up with a more open attitude toward sexuality. From the statistics I've studied, many young men have been active since their early teens. Their entire sexual landscape is uncluttered by the former mores of times past. Sexuality is viewed as a healthy, normal part of human expression. It's a new terrain, where nothing is taboo and nothing is abnormal between consenting adults. You may just learn a thing or two from him.
We always hear that older men are better in bed. Personally, I can't comment on this one. I think it's just a rumor... started by old men. The oldest man I've ever dated, was still 12 years younger than myself. While older men are said to have mastered the art of pleasing a woman--- again, this is anecdotal. I've heard far too many complaints to believe it's factual. Judging from what my girlfriends tell me, it's definitively dicey. In this arena, older doesn't always mean better. As for me, I'll take my chances with younger men. I know what to expect.
In time, perhaps I'll have the opportunity to experience a man in his 50's or 60's. At that point, I will have the answer... are older men better in bed? But at 80, I probably won't feel like writing about it.